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Monthly Archives: December 2007

SUPER FUN MANGA TIME: Battle Angel Alita, vol. 9 - Turning it up to Eleven!

Last night I sat down with the final volume of Battle Angel Alita and hooooooolly crap! This had to have been one of the most ridiculously over-the-top comics I have read is a long time. Perhaps ever! What do you have to say about it, Alita?

Damn straight. In fact, pretty much everything in this book is beyond supersonic. Everything–drama, violence, gore, fan service and giant robots–is cranked all the way up to eleven in this book. It is a masterpiece of the art form. Next time someone wants a recommendation of manga to try out, I will slap them in the face with a copy of Battle Angel Alita, vol 9. At which point the book itself will shoot the reader in the face and wail on a guitar.

Lately, most of the posts on this blog have taken the form of snarky plot synopses with funny panels. I cannot possibly do that with this book as I wish not to deprive anyone of the monumental joy of reading this book. If you have not read the first eight volumes of Battle Angel, get started now. Unlike Deathnote, this is one manga worth seeing to the end.

Okay, not everything is awesome about this book. The last few chapters are a bit out of place and they somehow make less sense than the whole of Ghost in the Shell. Luckily, the new series Battle Angel Alita: Last Order pretty much cuts out all the bad stuff and picks up while things were still rocking.

Battle Angel was the first manga I picked up when I was a kid and it has remained my favorite. This final volume will have it holding that title for a long, long time. Yukito Kishiro is a master storyteller and his artwork is always top-notch. Take these three simple panels for example. I can’t think of any other artist who can render so much expression and power in the simple opening of a character’s eyes.

You have been warned! Read Battle Angel Alita, vol 9 before it hunts you down and kills your family.

For anyone unfamiliar with the concept of cranking things up to eleven, please allow David St. Hubbins of Spinal Tap to explain.

TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL: What If…#21: What if Spider-Man had married the Black Cat?

 This issue of What If…? is a continuation of the story arc begun in #20, What if Spider-Man had NOT married Mary Jane. For you trivia nerds, this was the first two-part story arc in What If…? history.

What happens: Picking up from last issue, the thug sells Spider-Man’s secret identity to a shadowy figure for a cool million. Apparently the buyer is a total bad ass as the thug cites his fear of the buyer as proof that the info is legit. Meanwhile, in Niagra Falls of all places, Peter and Felicia get married at a little chapel under fake names.  I’m not sure what the point of getting a rushed wedding under fake names is, but I completely understand the need for Peter’s face mustache.

Later, in a run down hotel (insinuated to be called the Bates’ Hotel, har har) Felcia is unable to consummate the marriage. So what else do they do but hop on the first plane to New York and beat up some thugs to get Black Cat back in the mood.

After getting back to work, the two love birds have to part ways. Turns out that since Black Cat’s identity is public knowledge, she can’t be seen with Peter Parker or else, gasp, someone will find out who Spider-Man really is. It would have helped if Spidey and Black Cat didn’t pose for the Daily Bugle while making out. Later, Spider-Man comes home to a very upset Black Cat. Mary Jane has sent Peter a birthday card and this sets Felicia off. Meanwhile, the thug finally meets the mysterious, badass buyer, who turns out to be… the Vulture? Seriously? Well, the Vulture promptly kills the thug and then blows up Aunt May’s nursing home. But in a twist atypical to What If…? Aunt May survives because she was in the basement at the time of the blast. Don’t ask. Spider-Man saves May and goes out to get the Vulture. But on the other side of town, the Vulture gets Black Cat unawares and artist Jim Valentino somehow manages to make him look sincerely scary.

Spider-Man shows up and beats the crap out of Vulture. He nearly kills Vulture before he is stopped by Silver Sable and the Wild Pack. Spider-Man runs off with the wounded Black Cat. When she wakes up he tells her he no longer trusts her and breaks up with her. Good thing they didn’t get legally married or else this would have to be a three-part storyline. Spider-Man goes looking for a shoulder to cry on and ends up talking to Silver Sable.  They are interrupted to go beat up some terrorists. Across town, Vulture is making his escape from prision. Before he gets away, he is killed by a shadowy figure. His last words identify his killer as Spider-Man. Later, Spider-Man sneaks into Mary Jane’s apartment to talk to her and win her back only to find that she’s already dating someone else.

That is the guy she rebounds with? Really? I would think she’d have a pretty big nerd fetish at this point. Well, maybe the meathead is just for a change of pace. Anyway, across town, the Wild Pack confront Spider-Man for the murder of the Vulture. Spider-Man pleads his innocence and Mary Jane shows up to back him up. Spider-Man is able to get out of the Sandman’s grasp and soon everyone is shooting at him. The Black Cat swoops in to save Mary Jane and confesses to killing the Vulture herself. Because of a misunderstand (as always) Paladin shows up and promptly shoots Black Cat dead. As Spider-Man mourns his kinda-ex-wife’s death, Mary Jane walks out of his life forever. So what could possibly happen then? Why, Silver Sable fall in love and live happily ever after, of course. The end.

Body count: Two. Vulture is killed by a heart broken Black Cat while Black Cat is in turn shot down by a trigger happy Paladin.

 The lesson learned: Clearly girls are no good for Spider-Man. Unless it is Silver Sable. Apparently she is the only woman Spider-Man can be happy with. Maybe next year we will have the “Brand Newer Day” story arc in which Peter finally ends up with the love of his life. Sable’s due for a comeback, isn’t she?


FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS: Alita vs. Nurse Kayna

This week, the punches fly when Alita takes on Nurse Kayna! Hot girl-on-cyborg-girl action from Battle Angel Alita, vol. 8.

You’d better call your own nurs, ’cause Bahlactus plays for keeps.


TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL: What If…#20: What if Spider-Man had NOT married Mary Jane?

The newest in the long list of What If…? premises to become a plot device in the 616 Marvel continuity, What If…? vol 2, #20 asks the question on everyone’s mind (or maybe just Joe Quesada’s): “What if Spider-Man had not married Mary Jane?”

What happens: The story begins at the end of a battle against Smyth and his Spider Slayer that occurred just before the famous wedding. Only problem is, instead of Mary Jane being saved without a scratch, she is seriously hurt. This causes Peter to call off the wedding (in the middle of the wedding, of course) as he could not stand to place Mary Jane in any more danger. They break up and Spider-Man does his “I’m mad and will beat everyone up” routine. He teams up with Silver Sable and her Wild Pack and gets to work beating up terrorists, however, Sable knows that something is distracting Spider-Man and making him reckless. Looking for a lady who can take some punishment from supervillains, Peter writes a letter to Felicia Hardy, aka The Black Cat. She arrives and this happens.

Ugh. I’m sure this was intended as a homage to the classic first appearance of Mary Jane, but it seems more than a little cheap now. I think that may be Quesada’s fault. So Pete and Felica hook up and go out on patrol. After nabbing some bank robbers, Felcia takes a swipe at them with her claws, which Spider-Man disapproves of. She promises not to do it again, but Pete is already in full-blown emo mode.

Next, the abridged events of “Kraven’s Last Hunt” play out but with the Black Cat subduing Kraven and rescuing Spider-Man. In his delerium, Spider-Man mutters a thanks to Mary Jane for saving him. This does not sit well with Black Cat. The two proceed to take down Electro and Venom. Of course, during the conflict with Venom, Spider-Man must lecture Black Cat on why they cannot kill. I think you can see where things are going. Elsewhere, Mary Jane sees a newspaper story on the romance between Spidey and Black Cat and, heart broken, gives Peter a call.

Before they can talk about navel-deep necklines, Felica hangs up on Mary Jane. Peter then shows up and like a sap asks Felcia to marry him. She accepts and promptly jumps out the skylight. Across town Mary Jane is leaving her appartment and being oogled by some guy in a trench coat. Felicia shows up and tells Mary Jane to stay away from Peter and that Black Cat will soon be Spider-Man’s wife. the dude in the trench coat overhears this a puts two and two together. It is insinuated that he will be selling his knowledge of Spider-Man’s secret identity as the issue ends and the story continues in #21.

Body count: Surprisingly no one dies. I guess that is what part two is for.

The lesson learned: The point of What If…? seems to be to prove to whiny fan boys that if things happened differently than what the editors and writers dictated, bad things would happen. Having Spider-Man’s identity revealed is the bad thing that happens here. Of course, when looking at the current state of Spider-Man, this doesn’t matter that much as his identity is already known by everyone. I suppose the main difference between this and “One More Day” is that the What If…? doesn’t through marriage out of the equation. It simply shifts it to Black Cat.

And I’ll go ahead and give my opinion on “One More Day” here since I don’t address too many contemporary comics lately. I’m a pro-marriage Spider-Man fan. I don’t think that being married “breaks” the character in any way. I see no more appeal in a Spider-Man who is dating over on who is married. It seems to me that “One More Day” is more a result of Joe Quesada’s fanboy nit-picking (wanting things to be like it was when he was a kid) and he has no problem forcing some ridiculous concept like a deal with the Devil to get his way. It’s sloppy storytelling (I don’t blame you JMS) and frankly, it will be turning me off of Spider-Man comics for a long time.

Also, there are the continuity issues. If Peter and MJ’s marriage is “forgotten” how does that effect the memory of the other characters? Will everyone else who knows about the marriage suddenly have memory holes or will the whole thing fall apart the second Wolverine comes sniffing around for Mary Jane?

Or nothing will happen and the status quo (as fucked up as it may be) will remain unchanged until Quesada can get someone else to write it away in a way that makes sense.

Read up on Part Two: What if  Spider-Man had married the Black Cat? here.


SEEING GREEN: Savage She-Hulk #1 and #2

While the Hulk has generally always bored me, I’ve always had a thing for She-Hulk. Not like a creepy fetish thing, but just an appeal to the character. It’s probably the fact that unlike her cousin who walks the line between special needs child and meathead, She-Hulk is a well balanced character. Her strength allows for epic scopes to her adventures. Her intellect allows for resolutions other than smashing things to pieces. And the fact that she is a big, green woman makes sure things are never taken too seriously.

So taking advantage of a 40% off sale at my local comic shop, I thought I’d pick up Essential She-Hulk, vol 1 and get to know Jen Walters a bit better. Let’s take a quick look at issues #1 and #2 of She-Hulk’s first series.

Savage She-Hulk #1: The She-Hulk Lives!

The first issue of Savage She-Hulk was written by Stan Lee and this fact alone it what has kept me from reading the early She-Hulk stories in the past. Stan Lee is notorious for his awful treatment of his female characters. I really couldn’t stand to see the same applied to Shulkie. But this is the only issue Stan wrote so I decided to bite the bullet and read it. How bad could it be?

Actually, it really isn’t that bad. In fact, it may be the best thing I’ve read with Stan Lee’s name on it. Jen is a capable, intelligent woman and the dialogue does not make for 60% of the page space. The issue is a real quick origin story, hitting all the points with a surprisingly fast pace. When I finished I was shocked as I have never read through a Stan Lee comic in one setting before.

The basic story is that Bruce Banner (the Hulk, remember?) is on the run and goes to the one person he can trust, his younger cousin Jennifer Walters. Jen is a Los Angeles defense attorney currently working on a case that will put mobster Nick Trask behind bars. The mobster, fearing Jen’s star witness’ testimony, hires a couple of goons to kill Walters. Good thing the thugs don’t know much about the element of surprise.

Bruce fights off the thugs, carries Jen to safety, breaks into a doctor’s house and gives Jen a blood transfusion. Somehow he is able to do all this while remaining calm so that he does not change into the Hulk, which would screw up the story. You would think that if Banner had this much control over his emotions all the time, he would never turn into the Hulk.

Bruce gets Jen set up in the hospital and is then taken in for questioning by the police. THEN he decides it’s okay to freak out, turns into the Hulk, punches a hole in the wall and is not seen again. The transformation all takes place off-panel, so the Hulk’s only appearance in the comic is in a flashback at the very beginning. It’s a strange choice not to feature the Hulk explicitly as I’m sure it would have sold a lot more copies of this fledgling series.

While in the hospital, the thugs make another attempt on Jen’s life. This attempt is even less successful as Jen transforms into a giant, green and very pissed woman. She then proceeds to chase the men down, cause thousands of dollars of property damage and get them to confess to Trask’s guilt within earshot of the police.

That cop’s going to feel like a jerk later.

Savage She-Hulk #2: Deathrace!!

David Antony Kraft takes over the writing chores with this issue and does a great job of creating an interesting cast and setting out of all the little details Stan Lee had in his issue. Artist Mike Vosburg also signs on with this issue, and he and Kraft will be the creative team until the series ends with issue #25.

The issue begins with Jen out of the hospital, in a back brace and back at work. She attempts to have the murder charges against her client, who is testifying against Nick Trask, dropped. But it turns out that her involvement as She-Hulk has mucked up the legal process and made the thug’s confessions inadmissible. Owned.

Oh, and we get to meet Buck Bukowski, the misogynistic assistant DA who speaks in football metaphors, wears safety goggles and smells like Old Spice and hot dogs.

Jen convinces the thugs to testify against Trask for protection against their former employer. And then Jen, who has been smart up to this point, decides to pay Trask a visit. Remember, this guy tried to have her murdered twice already.

Oh, and he plays with giant fucking snakes!

For some reason Trask doesn’t just kill Jen. She goes home and hangs out with her neighbors. Remember that doctor’s house Bruce Banner broke into to give Jen a blood transfusion? Well, his name is Doc Ridge and he’s now a recurring character. Cool, huh? What is not so cool is his adult son who still lives at home, looks like a 70s porn star and goes by the name of Zapper.

I did not know hate until I first beheld the face of Zapper Ridge.

More on that later.

Jen has some lunch with her neighbors when she receives a call from the DA’s office asking for her to come in right away to pick some documents. Jen’s friend Jill goes in Jen’s place, taking Jen’s car. And then it dons on everyone “WTF is the DA calling at the neighbor’s house?”

Jen races after Jill but her back injury keeps her from making any progress. She then turns into the She-Hulk, tosses Zapper to the side like a rag doll and takes chase after the car. Turns out Trask had Jen’s car tampered with and it is now without breaks and speeding through downtown Los Angeles.

Over the course of the chase, Buck Bukowski, in his Jetson’s style sports car, takes after Jill, thinking he will save her from She-Hulk. She-Hulk breaks tons of other people’s shit and Trask nearly kills a trucker looking for some extra cash for a shipment of equipment from Stark Industries. Eventually She-Hulk is able to block on coming traffic and position herself to catch the out of control car. But geuss who fucks everything up?

As a result of Bukowski not knowing his place, the tampered car flies off the highway and kills Jill. She-Hulk is then blamed for the woman’s death and becomes a fugitive. And because everyone thinks Jen was in the car, it is reported that she is dead. Jen is able to own Bukowski in court, getting the charges against her cilent dropped, but her friend is still dead and now Jen is thought to be dead by everyone but a small group of people.

Overall, I really enjoy Kraft’s gamma-irradiated soap opera. While the characters of Buck Bukowski and Zapper are unbelieveibly lame, they do serve a good purpose as She-Hulk smackdown fodder. And as you’ll see with the next four issues, the threads and subplots all interweave into a nice, unified story that beautifully flows from one issue to the next.

Another great thing is that right out of the gate, Kraft is undermining Stan Lee’s naive last words from the first issue, “Whatever Jennifer Walter’s can’t handle–the She-Hulk will do!” Kraft points out that not everything is possible for She-Hulk and this modern idea of the flawed, mistake-prone hero, is in strong contradiction of the unstoppable, rarely failing heroes that populated comics until the late 1970s.

If I have one criticism, it is that I wish that Jen’s back injury were a bigger part of her character. It would be interesting that the gun shot that resulted in her becoming the She-Hulk also left her Walters identity lame or even paralyzed. This would have created a lot more tension between the two conflicting sides of her personality. But still, the She-Hulk we do have is pretty damn cool by all accounts.

More She-Hulk reviews on the way. Until then, how are you feeling about things Jen?