The last time we left Batman and company, Bats has dropped off Jason Todd, youth at risk, at Ma Gunn’s School for Boys. Batman feels awfully good about himself. Jason on the other hand, it about to get the crap beat out of him because Ma Gunn just happens to be a stogie smoking gangster.

But Ma Gunn, in her heart of hearts, is still a teacher. No thug left behind. Jason is able to convince Ma Gunn to trust him and she inducts him into the school.

The next day, Bruce Wayne is investigating Jason’s parents and comes across a lead on a Catherine Todd who had died of an overdose a few months ago. On the way out of the records department, Bruce runs into Vicki Vale. Vale ties several times to get a good story out of Wayne but he shoots her down each time. It kinda seems that Vale was only used in these issues to make Bruce look better, more humble and noble than the slimy, exploitive journalist. Can’t a girl get a break?

Vale and Bruce swing by Ma Gunn’s for an interview. This makes Bruce feel even warmer and fuzzier. But, once the media leaves, the real lesson gets underway.

While every teenage boy would love this class, Jason Todd knows something needs to be done about Ma Gunn and her School for Boyz N the Hood.*

Across town, Batman is chilling on the commish’s couch.

And for everyone who’s grown up on the image of Batman lurking in the shadows of Gordon’s office, no, you cannot unsee this.

Turns out that Jason’s father, Willis, was once a henchman for Two-Face. When Willis tried to double cross Two-Face, the villain puts Todd in the ground. With this information, Batman finds himself back in Crime Ally. He saves two nerdy kids from being mugged by drug dealers while his head glows.

During the fight, a thug is able to hit Batman in the back of the head. Afterwards, Batman contemplates why this happened while walking down the sidewalk. He’s really falling apart without Robin. He comes across a man whose tires have been stolen. This car just happens to be right outside Ma Gunn’s School for Boys. Batman knows the cuprite and finds Jason Todd in his old squat. He tells Batman that the school is a “kindergarden for crime,” but Batman doesn’t get it. Parents just don’t understand!

Batman makes Jason replace the man’s tires, but while Batman is being thanked, Jason slips away. On the other side of town, Ma Gunn and her boys break into the Gotham art museum. Their target is the Smile of Death necklace, the same one the Joker was trying to steal last issue. After Ma Gunn wastes time correcting her students’ grammar, Batman swings in and kicks everyone’s ass. Including Ma Gunn.

Could this be the fetal stage of the Goddamn Batman? A Batman so hardcore he will punch out even little old women? I hope so.

While he gloats over the unconscous bodies of his foes, one of the boys has sneaked away and tries to push a giant diamond onto Batman’s head. Jason Todd warns Batman, allowing him to escape certain flattening. Jason then proceeds to lay the tiniest thug out. Batman and Jason tie up Ma and the boys and jump into the unimpressively designed Batmobile (it looked like the shitty Honda compact your uncle drove in the 80’s) for this exchange:

Okay, I understand that this story arc was only written to explain how the post-Crisis Jason Todd becomes Robin, but it seems so stupid that Batman would suddenly adopt this punk as his sidekick. The reasons against having a sidekick were pretty convincing in issue #408, so Batman’s change of heart is totally absurd. I figure that Bruce is still very upset for loosing Dick, making Jason nothing more than a rebound Robin. He was doomed from the start.

Next on Batdance!: Jason tries on the hotpants.

And because she got clocked by the Proto-Goddamn Batman, we’ll give Ma Gunn the last word.

*I’m sorry. I promise not to make any more Boyz N the Hood references ever again.