Oh, wait. If you have been in an isolation chamber for the past 36 hours, SPOILER ALERT!!!

Now that’s out the way, let’s get to talking about the return of Captain America. Personally I’m betting on with the next nine months. And I’m being pretty liberal with that prediction.*

I’ve heard that Joe Quesada, as he makes the rounds at cable news shows, bringing attention to this fictional event, saying that “death needs to mean something in the Marvel Universe.” And I call bullshit. Sorry, Joe, it just doesn’t fly. Cap will be back in no time and let me tell why.

First, there’s this guy:

That’s the Winter Soldier, a.k.a. Bucky, a.k.a. one of the Three Forever Deads** who just so happens to not be dead anymore. You can not tell me that a superhero death is going to mean a thing when this guy appears in the same comic. If he can come back, a character who has been dead for over 40 years, then Steve’s not going to be down for long at all.

Oh, and I’m also remember of this dude who showed up in Civil War #7:

Captain God Damn Marvel. Remember his death, how it shook the Marvel Universe, really made death mean something, gave such superpowerful characters a touch of mortality? Forget all that. He’s back and hardly anyone even read the comic when he showed up after 25 years. Yeah, death really means something at Marvel lately.

Okay, that out of the way, let’s get practical. When will Steve come back? Let’s look at the facts:

1. The Fallen Son books are clearly about Captain America’s death. They are at least three issues long. So he probably won’t come back until they are over.
2. Captain America has not been canceled. If the series continues, as does the character. If Marvel were to cancel the book, it’d seem much more obviously permanent.
3. Steve spent twenty years practically dead, frozen in an ice cube. Once dead, never dead.
4. Captain America gets shot in the face for breakfast.

So, get back to me with your predictions. Maybe we can start a pool. For now I leave you with this thought:

Eh?

Eh?

Get your Cap on Frank!

*However, as Civil War pointed out, I suck at predicting comic book outcomes.

**The other two are Jason Todd (alive again) and Uncle Ben (don’t even ask me what’s going on there).